Top 5 things new college students don't want parents to know

College student parties usually worry parents.

Ah, college. Also known as the time when even #TexasCool parents don’t have a clue what their child is really up to. Track their phones all you want, they’ve already learned all the tricks to evade your snooping skills. But what is it college students are so desperate to hide from their Texan parents? Other than, you know, everything.

5 – That the money you gave them for groceries probably went to cheap alcohol and/or daily ice coffee and/or three days-worth of Chipotle. Hey, “groceries” is a subjective term, no?

4 – That they got home from a night out five minutes before you called them at promptly 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Maybe give them a fighting chance and wait until 10 next time.

3 – That they’re probably onto their second, third, fifth romantic interest by now. Mike, Johnny, Sam, does it really matter? It’s college! Lighten up! Back off! Go with the flow! And when there finally is someone important you can be sure you won’t hear about it until it’s at least six months down the road and your opinion has ceased to matter.

2 – That “I’m working on a paper” actually means “I’m binging [insert current tv obsession here] and will work on my paper approximately one hour before it’s due.”

And the No. 1 thing college students don’t want their parents to know … That they really aren’t sure what they’re doing most of the time and just want to know you won’t disown them if they can’t keep it all together for the first semester. The beginning of college is a more overwhelming experience than a lot of kids let on. Whatever your student is trying to hide from you, make sure they know you’re on their side, no matter what.

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